Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
