In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
