I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i think i just lost a toe
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