I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
