i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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