How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
