is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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