how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We don't watch enough power rangers
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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