She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
