I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
