dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
