LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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