Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
