Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
