When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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