Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
