Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
