i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
