and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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