Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
