I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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