Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
