Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
