yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
