Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
