We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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