it's too hot outside to masturbate.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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