im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
