We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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