And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
