the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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