This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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