He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
