After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
