Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
