Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
