dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
