I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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