She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is it because I queefed?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I want to fling myself into the sun
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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