Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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