I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
