handjob tips. give me some.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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