In the future we'll all be gay
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
His nipple licking is glorious
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