i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
