yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
did i walk over a car last night?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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