508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i now understand why vodka
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
