her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
