tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
