forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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