Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
