Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
