The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
